Your Yes/No/Maybe List is a tool to use in an ongoing conversation about all the sexy things you want to do together. Your Yes/No/Maybe List is not a contract, it’s not consent, and it’s not set in stone. The goal here is to focus on the things you can do together and not dwell on the nos, You should NEVER try to talk someone out of their no or expect them to explain it to you, though they may choose to. Then the partners reconvene and discuss where their yesses overlap. and sorts each one into one of three columns: Yes, No, or Maybe. It’s simple, each person involved in the negotiation takes a list of activities/terms/food items etc. That Other Paper’s Checklist, published in an Austin-based zine, facilitates sex between kinkster acquaintances.A Yes/No/Maybe list is a common tool in kink circles for negotiating scenes, but really, you could use it to negotiate… pretty much anything. I especially recommend it for individuals early in their journeys of partnered sex. Scarleteen’s very extensive list includes categories for reproduction, boundaries and relationship structures. In addition to a list of activities, Autostraddle’s Checklist offers fill-in-the-blank statements like, “When I want you to stop, I say…” and “Never refer to my genitals as…” I encourage you to browse the internet for other Yes/No/Maybe Checklists and gain more insight in how to use them. There are many versions of the Yes/No/Maybe checklist. Or, perhaps you want to communicate that certain behaviors put the brakes on your arousal or desire.ĭon’t use the checklist to convince your partner to try something you want to do, especially if they have indicated that they are not open to it. Perhaps you want to suggest something not on the list. Sometimes one has a backstory or reason behind their preferences, and sometimes one has no idea what has caused their sexual turn-ons and turn-offs.įeel free to add to the list. Be curious (rather than judgmental) about both the sexual activities your partner wants to explore, as well as the things they are not up for trying. Discuss items where one of you answered, “Yes” and the other indicated, “Maybe.”īring an open mind. Look for “Yes” answers to activities that you have not previously engaged in together. How to talk about the list with your partnerĪfter completing the lists individually, share and compare your answers. Used alone, a checklist helps to privately consider one’s comfort with various sexual activities without the expectation to share. Used with a new partner, a checklist identifies what the other likes to explore during sex, facilitates safe boundaries and opens conversations about consent. It might prompt a sharing such as, “I am kind of interested in exploring that but wasn’t sure how to bring it up.” Used with a regular partner, a Yes/No/Maybe Checklist can generate fresh conversations about sex and facilitate exploration of new sexual practices. “Maybe” (perhaps under certain circumstances) “No” (I am not comfortable with that activity) “Yes” (I’m in to doing that or trying that) If the item on the list is, for example, “Receiving oral sex,” one responds by checking: It is a list of sexual practices, activities and desires that prompts people to explore and share their sexual likes, dislikes and interests.Įach sexual partner fills out the checklist independently. People exploring a sexual relationship after many years of not being sexually active Women experiencing the genital symptoms of menopause for whom vaginal penetration may be painful People whose sex has been negatively impacted by health status or aging This Yes/No/Maybe Checklist is a fillable pdf and is also found on the Resources tab of the Home page. A Yes/No/Maybe Checklist can help kindle a conversation about sex with a partner, as well as expand sexual repertoire.
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